Tender mercies

I firmly believe that I have a Father in Heaven who is mindful of me. I have had too many instances that were too perfect for what I needed right at that time that could not be explained as coincidence. I am grateful for each and every one of those moments and today I had a particularly moving moment.

As many of you mothers I'm sure, I have been struggling with my self worth as a mother. I never feel like I'm patient enough, engaging enough, loving enough, etc. etc. etc. Today was especially trying. I felt unsure of our future and how I would be able to be the mom I need to be with everything going on and my ever present struggles.

Enter in my angel. In the middle of the shoe isle in Walmart with two boys running up the isles and a cart rolling away from me while I tried to get boots on a little girl, a woman walked up to me. She looked a little sheepish as she said, "Excuse me?" I thought I was right in her way and apologized but then she surprised me. "No, that's not it. I'm not sure how to say this but I felt like I needed to tell you that you are a great mother. I can just tell. You have beautiful children and you are doing a good job. I don't know why I felt that but I just felt so strongly that I needed to tell you that. I have an 18 year old and a 20 year old and I want to tear up seeing you with your children. You are a good mom."

By this time, I am tearing up and I sincerely thanked this woman and told her I so needed to hear that. I was even tempted to go and find her after we figured out the boot situation and give her a hug but with three littles and various activities, I didn't take the time to search for her and she wasn't on our way out.

Now she even said herself she had no idea why she felt like saying that but I know clearly that she was sent to be my angel and give me a message from my Heavenly Father to help me in a time for stress and anxiety. That woman will forever hold my gratitude. I am grateful for those who are able to set aside social norms and open themselves up to be His hands.

So, fellow mothers, even though we might be struggling with our journey through motherhood, we are doing a good job. Keep it up. Know that your children love even if you aren't perfect and that your Heavenly Father loves you too. And always keep a watch for those tender mercies. ♥

The Woman Who Started it All - And the Party We Had to Celebrate

Today is a special day and I think everyone everywhere should take a moment to reflect on the wonderful day the world was blessed by the birth of the one, the only, my mother. My mom is a pretty splendid lady! She's loving, so selfless and would do anything for her children. She has had ups and downs in life and always remains strong. She's the reason why the day after my dad died, we were all at church. :)She's goofy, funny, happy, bubbly, sassy, and will always have a Christmas decoration up somewhere. She has raised 8 children and we all turned out pretty good, I think. There has been something so special about sharing my love for her with my children and I love seeing her hold them for the first time or cuddle with them or read them a story. She really is the greatest. I love my mama more than words can express.

Last year was my grandma's 95th birthday the week before my mom's 65th. With all the activity and buzz surrounding my grandma's party, my mom's birthday got lost and I have to admit *ashamedly* we didn't do anything for her big milestone birthday. Not even a family dinner. Sometimes we're not so good kids, I guess. Mom lamented to me and my sister one day that she was a little disappointed that nothing really happened for her birthday, so Heidi and I decided to throw her a surprise 66th birthday this year.

My brother and his family from Idaho were coming up in March for a med school interview and visit so we decided we'd have a really early surprise party! She'd never expect that! Even better was our cover. If you are ever throwing a surprise party for someone, tell them you are throwing a surprise party for someone else! It just happened to be my other brother and his wife's 30th birthdays the following week. She had no clue. Remarks were made the week coming up to the party that she felt like she didn't know anything about the party and felt so out of the loop. Meanwhile, we are all laughing and feeling smug inside. Seriously. Best. Cover. Ever.

Day of the party comes and we get Phil and Lisa to take Mom for the day so she has no reason to be suspicious when we won't let her help decorate. Since it was her 66th birthday, we went with a Route 66 theme and had roads on the wall with streamers and maps and cars for centrepieces and different road signs along the walls. Everything came together well and we were ready to go. We'd even heard back from quite a few of the guests and if you know many LDS people, that's quite remarkable. We're not known for being the best at RSVPing...

Notice the Christmas garland in the background AND the Easter wreath!

Food was prepped, tables up and decorated, grandkids were practicing their song (some for the first time), kids were practicing their song, guests were arriving. Meanwhile, my dear Sister-in-law is texting me that they got a flat tire and will be a little late and various other updates. Then, my phone rings and it's my mother. "Sorry honey! We're trying to get there before Greg and Ashley. Where are we supposed to meet?" "Oh, in the gym. By the way, where are you?" "Just crossing the tracks into town." (That meant they were about 10 blocks away) So I hurriedly replied, "Ok, bye!" and hung up on her, raced into the gym and told everyone to get into place. A friend of Mom's suggested (since they were all in on the ruse) that those not connected to the family or the branch should hide out of the way so they wouldn't give it away right away. Great idea, Thelma! In walks my mom and we immediately yell SURPRISE and start singing Happy Birthday while her friends moved into view. It was amazing! We're all still kicking ourselves that no one recorded it. She was laughing it off to begin with, thinking we were joking around but then we kept singing. When her friends came out, you could see confusion on her face. It took a little while more and then the tears started. It was heartwarming and exhilarating knowing we had wholly surprised her.

She felt so special and it made my heart happy that we were able to help her know how loved she is by so many people. There was visiting and snacking before we got into a short program. The grandchildren sang, the children sang, my wonderful sister-in-law made a beautiful slideshow, my eldest brother gave a speech and my sister and I presented her with a book of memories of my dad - something that we've been working on for a long time. I think we made her cry for every part of the program which isn't that hard to do, but for some reason it makes me feel smug. :)

I still look back and think it went over smashingly well, better than I could ever have hoped. I truly believe there was help from the other side, probably from her sweetheart who wants her to know how loved she is. Thanks Dad for the help! xoxo

Love you Mama!

Sugar and Spice

Our little girl has brought sugar and spice and everything nice to our home. How has it been a year?? This sweet girl came to us 365 days ago. She has the sweetest smile and gets so excited when she sees her parents. She absolutely ADORES her brothers even though they are a little rough sometimes. She has given us a run for our money in her ability to get into trouble. :) She loves standing at the bookshelf and pulling books out, she has a sixth sense about the bathroom door being opened and will make a run for it every chance she has. Toilet paper is the best entertainment! Liesel is so close to walking and loves to be free. But she still loves cuddles. My heart is full whenever I look at my precious girl. Here are some favourite photos from her first year:

She pulls her blankets up over her face when going to sleep

Happy Birthday, my sweet girl!

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time, a beautiful, precious princess joined our family. She was 6 lb 15 oz, 20.5 ish (quote from the nurse) inches long, one and a half weeks early and perfect! I'm here to tell you the birth story...a little (or a lot) late.

So, you all know about the false alarm we had two weeks to the day before we actually had our sweet baby. After that, the contractions kept coming off and on and making me a little uneasy and on edge. My next doctor's appointment I was supposed to be given an induction date. I was so excited for the finish line to be in sight but Liesel had other ideas. She had decided after her almost appearance the week before that she liked it better up high in my uterus, so up she floated, dashing my hopes of knowing the end date. But! I would have my membranes swept at the next appointment, so there was something to focus on.

Next week came, membranes swept and the doctor requested that I book an appointment for the next day to have them swept again if I didn't already have the baby. There were a few contractions here and there that night but no baby so away we went the next morning. My mother-in-law kindly drove the boys and me in so that Matt could have a car at home in case I went into labour or was sent to be induced. Thanks, Jen!

Right after getting in the car after my appointment, I started having some hard and intense contractions, worse than when I went into the hospital the first time. I was told by my doctor to go to the hospital if they were coming 5 minutes apart and I could feel the baby being pushed down with the contractions. Now, tell me, could you feel what was happening to the baby during contractions? because I surely couldn't. I just hurt. A lot. After lots of internal debating about what I should do, go home or hang around and see if anything happened, we headed over to Matt's cousin's house. After some lunch and continuing contractions, a walk to the park seemed like a good idea. Let the kids run around and get me out walking to speed things up. Before we left, I called Matt and told him he should get into the city because I was pretty sure this was the real deal. I couldn't be in this much pain and not get a baby out of it within a few hours.

Progress to the park was slow as I had to stop every contraction and breathe. Seriously, I hate contractions. Kayty and I circled the park while my MIL played with 4 of the 5 kids. Around and around we went until contractions were consistently coming about 3 minutes apart and I decided I needed to go to the hospital whether Matt was there to take me or not. I called to check in on him when we got back to the house an hour after the first phone call. He was still 45 minutes away. We live about an hour away. Turns out, Matt had a shower. Good thinking, love. It would be days before we would be home again. :)

So, with him being that far away, Kayty watched my kiddos and Jen took me to the hospital to sit with me until Matt arrived. Apparently my doctor is one of the most generous with his measurements. I was measured at a four in his office and I was measured at a four at the hospital. The nurse acknowledged that with his generous measurements, that probably meant I actually had dilated more but because it said on my papers that I was 4 cm at my appointment, it looked like nothing had changed. She said that my contractions might have been just my uterus becoming irritated by the membrane sweeping. I cried at this point. How in the world could I be in this much pain without it doing something to bring this baby to me? Matt got there shortly before the nurse told me they'd have me walk around for an hour or more. Ugh.

Contractions were still coming between 2 and a half and 3 minutes. Every one made me stop walking, grab onto the supports along the wall and cry or cringe or cry out. Back labour. The worst. After the hour, they were just so bad, I couldn't stand it anymore. Returning to the triage, we were informed that literally NO progress had been made. Nothing changed. I cried some more. After humming and hawing, I decided I hurt too much to be sent home without anything so I got a shot of morphine. As it started to course through my body, the contractions slowed and got a bit easier. Until they weren't anymore and I would writhe on the bed every other contraction. When you get morphine, they make you stay at the hospital to make sure you don't react poorly and because it can sometimes calm your body enough to make things start to progress. After the hour, my nurse came back to check on me. I told her they seemed to have slowed but I was still in a lot of pain. Her thoughts were that I'd be going home, but then I had one of my writhing contractions. She was very surprised by the amount of pain I was under so she proceeded to check me again. I was still a four BUT my cervix was softening! That was a good sign. My doctor needed to be told the progress and we would go from there. To help me not get my hopes up, my nurse shared that she believed he'd probably have me sent home. More tears.

Upon her return, the nurse gave us the great news that Dr. Chua wanted me to stay. He needed to make sure the charge nurse was okay with it and then they'd set me up with a room and rupture my membranes. Wahoo! I was having my baby that day! Greatest news. I was admitted into a L&D room at 6:00. AND my doctor agreed to let me get an epidural before he ruptured my membranes! With the pain I was already feeling, I did NOT want to endure the instant increase in contractions that would follow without the assistance of some seriously intense drugs! These are my thoughts on epidurals if you are interested. ;)

I love my doctor! Through the ensuing hours, he kept joking about how he needed his beauty sleep. He is quick to add humour and do what he can to make his patients comfortable and happy. The best! Anyways, after the epidural kicked in, he came to rupture my membranes at about 7:30. He checked me first and I was at 6 cm! HA! I was actually in labour! No need for induction, but he still ruptured my membranes. :) After an hour, I had only dilated to a 7. I have this thing when I get epidurals that it wears off on one side at some point. I am now very prepared to request a top up from the anesthesiologist when I start to feel the smallest amount of pain. At around 9:30, it happened so in came my life saver to freeze me up some more. But. I ended up being SO frozen. My lower half was completely dead weight. I felt badly for my nurses when my doctor said we needed to rotate me from side to side to get baby's head turned down instead of up. Because I couldn't feel a single thing, I couldn't move an inch. It was pretty comical.

At ten thirty, Matt sent a text to his mom to tell her that things were moving slowly and I probably wouldn't have the baby any time soon. Fifteen minutes later, Dr. Chua checked me again and I was ten cm! He declared it was time to get this baby out. Problem was I couldn't feel anything. No pressure, no desire to push. With the boys, I felt that. I knew what I was supposed to do and it was incredible. I didn't think you were supposed to feel that but when I wasn't able to this time, I was surprised he wanted to go forward with it. He assured me it would be fine. My nurse was up by me, feeling my stomach for contractions, the student nurse and Matt were supporting my whale-like legs (that's what they feel like when you can't feel them, in case you were wondering) and when a contraction came, I was told to push. I had no idea what I was even pushing and didn't know if I was even doing anything. The comments around the room reassured me that I was doing something so I kept doing what I was doing. It took three contractions and there she was!  Eleven o'clock on the dot. What a little miracle.

Because of the amount of drugs in my body, I was unable to move for a good two hours. Sitting in the delivery bed, I tested out my muscles every once in a way. I was so proud of the accomplishment of moving my toes! Then, I could move my legs a little side to side. Finally, I could lift them off the bed. The nurses deemed me sufficiently unfrozen (or is it defrosted?) to help me into the wheelchair. I wasn't ready for that first step and almost fell on the floor. Seriously, I just laugh when I think about how comical many moments of this delivery were. :)

After a long long day, we got to our room, I was brought a turkey sandwich (heaven in my mouth!) and we were able to shut our eyes for a bit.

What a joy it has been to have Liesel in our lives! She has been such a good baby and we are all smitten.